The Obsessive Compulsive Rogue Squadron
by JediYvette
Summary: Episode 12! Yay!!!


1 The Obsessive Compulsive Rogue Squadron  
  
1.1 The Obsessive Compulsive Star Wars series—Episode 11  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. :( It's not mine. How sad… I also do not own any of the TV shows mentioned or any other product. If you don't know what "Iron Chef" is, all I can say is: I am so sorry.  
  
Note: The characters in this story are from the X-Wing books by Michael Stackpole and some other guy (Aaron Allston?). Anyway, if you have never read those books, some of the characters in this story will be unfamiliar to you.  
  
  
  
  
  
A light musical medley filled the Rogue Squadron base, drowning out the conversations of the X-Wing pilots, and stopping one particular pilot in his tracks. Gasping, Wedge turned in the direction of the music, and finally catching his breath, screamed, "The Ice-Cream Man!" Then, he absently dropped all the important documents on the floor that he was holding, and sped towards the nearest exit.  
  
Ysanne Isard stared at her blue plaid button-up shirt. She ironed it twice already but the cotton material wrinkled so easily, she was fearful of an unwanted crease. Running her fingers along the material, she searched for any imperfections. Seeing that the fabric was perfectly smooth, she gently laid the shirt aside, and pulled another item from her green plastic laundry basket. Her striped work pants were crumpled at the bottom, and thus were very wrinkly. Sighing in frustration, Ysanne turned up the iron's power and commenced ironing the red and yellow pants. Sadly, the wrinkles would not completely disappear. Aggravated, she hissed through her teeth and screamed at the iron to work harder—it would not listen. Angrily, she threw the iron at the wall, leaving an impressive indentation. She then yelled for one of her "lackeys." After Kirtan Loor entered her laundry room, Ysanne screeched, "I need a more powerful iron. Since I know you plan on refilling your Chex Mix stash, you can very well pick up the Ironer 2002 as well."  
  
"Corran," replied his girlfriend, Mirax who was watching TV, "Isn't the Smurfs the greatest cartoon EVER? Why can't they make cartons like that anymore?" Turning from his computer, Corran inattentively commented, "Yes, that is really nice." His attention then turned back to the monitor and he excitedly exclaimed, " Hey! Did you know someone is auctioning off their vintage T-15 Skyhopper on E-Bay? And for 34,000 credits as a starting bid, too! I think I'll bid on it."  
  
Kirtan really hated Target, especially since the store started its remodeling project. However, no other store carried the Ironer 2002, as well as the 15-pound Chex Mix bags. Grabbing a cart from the shuttle parking, he walked across the lot and entered the chaotic store. Making his way passed the latest craze—action figures of some sci-fi movie—he entered the snack food aisle. Unable to find his sacred 15-pound Chex Mix bags, he heedlessly ran (with the cart) down every aisle until he found a Target employee—all the way in Housewares and Domestics. Starting to feel panicky, he stated, "I can't find the Super Massive Grande Party Pack Chex Mix bags!" Nodding, knowing what he was talking about, the Target employee led Kirtan to a display at the front of the store. Very grateful, Kirtan loaded the remaining stock of the huge bags. Making his way through the check out line, he entered the parking lot. "Snarfulpopper!" he screamed, having finally remembered his superior's iron. Unlocking the door of his transport, he threw the bags in and walked back across the lot.  
  
Gavin Darklighter walked into the Rogue Squadron Base's rec room, and sat on the well-loved tawny sofa (at one time, it was white…). Since no one was watching the current show—old Voltron re-runs—Gavin picked up the remote, looked around again, to make sure no one was watching the TV and then changed the channel to the Food Network. Turning the volume up, the Japanese dialogue of Iron Chef blared across the expanse of the room. Several minutes into the "Fried Chicken" battle versus Iron Chef Morimoto and a member of the Otah faction, Mirax entered the room. First, not noticing the blaring noise or the fact that the show on was not animated, she sat next to Gavin on the couch. Then it dawned on her—they we no longer watching Voltron. Screaming at Gavin, and grabbing the remote from his hand, she changed back to the cartoon. "Don't EVER change my channel," she yelled at Gavin, then picking him up from the chair and violently shaking him, repeated, "NEVER EVER AGAIN DO SOMETHING THAT STUPID!" Throwing him back on the couch, still red with rage, she sat back down and silently watched her show.  
  
"What do you mean they didn't carry the Ironer 2002?" angrily asked Ysanne. Scared spitless, Kirtan cautiously repeated that the Target was currently sold out of the iron. Clenching her fists, Ysanne slammed the door of her laundry room, screaming incoherently on the top of her lungs. Grabbing the keys to her ship, she decided to check for her herself.  
  
Running back into the Rogue Squadron Base, late for an important meeting, Wedge hurried passed the other pilots crowded in the halls. He had to put his latest ice-cream purchases in the freezer before they melted and before his tardiness was noted. Shoving all 19 gallon sized containers of various flavors of ice cream into the freezer and grabbing his Dairy Queen chocolate cone from the counter, he entered the meeting, where all the other pilots waited impatiently for their leader. "Snarfulpopper," he thought as he walked to the head of the meeting room, "They know I am late…" To make himself feel better, he made the rest of the pilots wait until he finished eating his cone before making his beginning address.  
  
Thirty-seven Target locations so far and no Ironer 2002s were at any of them. Hitting the steering wheel of her ship, Ysanne shouted "Snarfulpopper!" Pulling into the entrance of the last Target on Coruscant, Ysanne crossed her fingers, hoping her iron would be there. The store was packed with insane weirdos in search of action figures, and Ysanne had to push her way through the crowds. Finally getting to the housewares section, she searched in vain for her iron. Stopping the sales floor worker who was folding peach colored towels, she demanded, "Where are your Ironer 2002s?" Apparently the week before, Target had a big promotion for them, and they were currently out of stock. Falling to her knees in despair, she muttered, "The Humanity," and started to sob. She was afraid she would never find her iron. The sales floor worker just went back to folding towels.  
  
"Who would buy an iron at E-Bay?" asked Corran. However, no one was in the computer lab of the Rogue Squadron base, so no one was responding. Everyone else was busy watching Mirax and Gavin fight over the TV remote in the rec room. Even though there was no response, he continued, "a Super Deluxe Ironer 2002, with 37.5 settings, for 2,986 different types of material. I wouldn't pay $4,568 for it though… Hey look! Someone is auctioning off donuts!"  
  
Staring at the empty bags of Chex Mix on the floor, Kirtan sighed sadly. Already he maxed out his spending budget and there was at least a month and a half until anyone would get more money from the Empire (stupid spending cuts…). He picked up the empty package of "Bold Party" flavored Chex Mix and started to lick the salt of the inside of the bag. It just wasn't the same. Keeling over the empty bags, Kirtan began to sob.  
  
"Morimoto won!" screamed Gavin as he entered the computer lab. "I knew he fried chicken soufflé would be better than anything created by that Otah faction!" Pulling off his silver chef hat—one identical to Iron Chef Morimoto's, Gavin sat in the swivel chair next to Corran, and asked "Any Iron Chef merchandise at E-Bay?"  
  
Ysanne stormed into her office, and slammed the door, freaking out the depressed Kirtan, who was waiting for her. "I told you to meet me here, because I have a proposition to make. I will give you the money for your Chex Mix, IF you find me the Ironer 2002 anywhere, at any cost." Very gleeful at this deal, Kirtan went out to search for the Ironer once more. He'd find it, even if the journey took him to Malastaar.  
  
"WHO ATE MT COCOA-BERRY BANANA SPIT ICE-CREAM?!" screamed Wedge in the kitchen. Staring at the empty freezer, he grew infuriated. Someone was going to pay dearly.  
  
"MUST BID FASTER!" Kirtan screamed, having found the Ironer 2002 on E-Bay. However, some other kind soul decided they wanted the iron too. Thinking only of his endless Chex Mix spending he could do, he insanely hit the "Increase Bid" button. Apparently, the other bidder turned on the automatic bid increase, because as soon as Kirtan managed to bid, the other person would bid higher. Finally, when the bids reached 9.35 million credits, Kirtan gave up—Even Ysanne would not pay that much for an iron. Sighing, he went back to the Ironer 2002 website (www.ironer2002.com) to see if he could get one on back order.  
  
"God I love Thunder Cats," Mirax commented as soon as the cartoon ended, "Now that is quality animation. OH MY GOD! Transformers are on next! YAY!"  
  
He was never going to get his Chex Mix. Sighing, Kirtan put his last .75 credits in the vending machine, and got a travel size traditional flavor Chex Mix—which could very well be his last EVER. Sadly wandering around, he ran into Ysanne, literally. "Why are you so sad?" Ysanne asked Kirtan, but before he could answer, she continued, "BECAUSE I FOUND MY IRONER 2002 ON E-BAY! AND IT ONLY COST ME AROUND 9 MILLION CREDITS!" She then started to dance around the room holding her new iron. "I better go iron those pants again," she commented, "There is an Ironer convention tomorrow where they are going to demonstrate the new 3003 model!!!!!" Kirtan stared at Ysanne in disbelief—if only he had continued bidding, he could have also gotten a life-time supply of Chex Mix. Even more depressed, he started to walk out. That was when Ysanne replied, "To celebrate this purchase I also bought some Chex Mix!"  
  
"Hey!" Corran commented, "Someone did buy that iron—who buys an iron on E- Bay?!" 


End file.
